Life is not bad! Many things have transpired as I progress on my spiritual quest to rediscover myself. A quest that has produced the largest fears and the largest love that culminated from it. Many paths to enlightenment, but only one path to the heart and core of it. Through our own efforts and pursuit does this happen. It's very enlightening to know the many things I have picked up along the way and one of the greatest things I must thank Joshua for is playing the role he had to so my soul can be released to do the work I need to to get to my goal. That which is to be all encompassing in my passions and work to be more enlightened and my present writings to assist the many lost souls who have gone through what I just did. Through the last litle while I have my writings and poetry into greeting cards that I will put out there. You must see it, Cindy. Very enlightening. I hope to get the catalogue page put together and would love to share that with you. It is very enlightening and am humbled to have had the insight to put it to use, all with the Universe's help, of course.

in essence, all this learning is enabling me to see the many things we as women go through - you, Vickie, myself, my friends. A lot of this we already know - it's a matter of remember ing who we were that is the problem. I called Vickie the other day and she is in need of quiet time. I can relate! As the last time I talked with her, my soul was in need of reassurance and I took quite a bit. A lot of us depend on her and we have taken that, and she needs now the listening to help her through the stuff we let off on her. That is why I am putting together some snippits of stuff (ie. the card line) to assist in daily renewal. As well, I'll have to get her the other computer I have so she can have access to the many resources available. As well, Cindy, there is a huge wealth of things I have read that we may jive with in healing ourselves of this unknown pain we have held onto. There is a reason for it and it is quite profound when you actually release it for good and really dealve into the depths of it. Facing the fear, brings utter craziness...before you can jump into the abyss of unconditional love and peace from that very essence of fear. The book, my friend Kortney( the angel she is, who is going through her own stuff) lent me is called The Journey by Brandon Bays. Do check out the website by doing a google search with the names above. I am trying to learn the many ways we can all transcend above these issues so we can move higher towards enlightenment. Being able to assist others going through the struggles of finding a way past the unknown.
You will be so very enlightened to know that all my work is encompassing the new re-birth of elaineMARK, or shall I say a new outlook on why I am the way I am and the definition of all that is....with my own being.

Am I sounding weird? I think so at times and other times I don't. The all too knowing wise side of me says I need to be this and I can also be the person I am meant to be. The fun loving soul. I repressed this from my last relationship for God knows what reason, but I am getting to the bottom of it. And am me again after a long absence.

E v e r y t h i n g happens for a reason. Find the reason and you will move past the pain and find love...within!! You mention, Cindy, about finding love from another man. There is an excerpt in my book of daily OSHO meditations that speaks of finding it from within before you can find it elsewhere. When we say that many times, many diferent defiintions come from it. We are all ever encompassing as love within ourselves, with that knowledge and love we can then attract that right love that resonates and vibrates at the same level as your own. With love in us, we may attract all sorts! Believe it!! It is upon discerning, do we and only we can choose the one that we hold close to us. For our psychic energy picks everything up! Let soul choose, not the head that has the ears to hear the sweet words from that man. The soul knows more, but we sometimes forget to hear when the external Prince Charming appears to give us the words we want to hear. Please have an affair first! an affair of the heart! an affair of the heart with yourself! Yourself! Yourself first! aaaaaaa. Hence the card line that has come out. Speaks of love...from within. You must see. (I better get that finalized)

I shouldn't be too critical of this line getting out, but at times I need to now...as fear had held me back from pushing further. Doubt and fear can hold us stagnant from believing our own selves in this world. But it is only our illusion to hold in front of us. all an illusion. Our own. It has been exactly 7 days since I wrote it, (Purely reMARkable) and now I am making the finishing touches to make it truly my own. (you can check out the names of the card line in the last posting).

So here it is, my venture forth to put voice back into my life, to put the verve back to where it was. To EMpower oneself by truth, love, faith... to conquer fear & doubt. To EMbrace all that is all encompassing right in the present and step into that fear, the abyss. To EMbark on the new path of All that is GREAT from our own soul. mmmmm sounds luscious. it is.

Today, I sat on the patio of my newly appointed living quarters after having made quick decisions after my breakup. It was a no-brainer. Had to, really, I had no BRAIN at the time. Thank God, that it was at a place I felt comfortable with...with my old roomate B.A. In any case, the sunlight hits the patio brilliantly in the morning, so I have appointed and chosen this time of day to reflect, and write, especially on the weekends. The morning coffee slowly awakens the mind, and I grab the book that called out to me today. A book I bought when I was with Joshua. We always bought books, tons of books, we both collected books. Filled with knowledge. But finding the time to indulge in the vast knowledge was always on the back burner. Being together was a rush and it didn't settle into a good rush as I had wanted it to. The book is Everyday OSHO - 365 meditations for the here and now. As the back of the book says, "...represents the essence of these insights - an understanding that synthesizes a wide range of spiritual and philosophical traditions with the contributions of modern science and psychology." enlightening reading that reminds me about life and all its wonderment.

The first page - 1. illumination
The moment you are illuminated, the whole of existence is illuminated.
If you are dark, then the whole of existence is dark. It all depends on you.

Aaah. the book is all to addictive. I can only imagine the consequences of indulging so much in my own time. Funny how that has changed so much from when I "finished the most recent phase of my life" - Joshua. I call it that now, because it wasn't the person that I want to bring up, but the event itself which molded me and produced who I am today. Joshua was the person who played the role neccessary for my growth. He magnified the love I was so seeking in the begining and then let the role play out for me. I was the one who parlayed that love for me and it all but killed me in the end. It almost did. Hence the role he played in the end, not really knowing why, he did what my soul had asked for - release me. So, when I speak of the most recent phase of my life, I do not put a person there for ackowledgment or blame, but the phase of life that pushed me toward the next inevitable phase of my life - Today. The reason I can write so freely from the heart. The reason i can sit here and dealve into the ever knowing depth of soul of me so I can write, express and have the freedom I feel now to be the love that I am. And to share that with those close to me makes me whole - once again.

Yes, upon realizing I was being "dumped" , I reeled so fast, so quick it was dizzying. My mind, my body went into denial and fear. My heart went into overdrive, pressing my lungs so much so that I was always grasping for that extra gulp of air every few minutes. The fear and pain and hurt pressed into my heart. I instinctively put my hand there for fear that it would burst. Pressing it, hoping that it would just stop beating so hard and fast and pressing my lung, I couldn't breathe. I put my hand there to feel the immensity of it all. For I needed to feel it ALL, before I can truly see it for what it is. So now...there is no blame, no hurt, no pain. I needed to EMbrace these moments and into myself - and really, how scary it was. meditation - I had to go into myself so deep and have the fire inside, so white-hot the flame, to sear through me, increasing my body temperature so quickly and so encompassing, I was sweating in the end. But in the end, in the end after having asked for healing from the pain, I got what I asked for after an intense duration of "feeling" the pain - I got the healing after asking for it and "being" in it, and being part of it all, would I then emerge like the phoenix from the depths of the fire. I am speechless, and am so humbled.

For I can tell you that in this fear of being alone, I had indulged so quickly previously to call upon friends for the love and support I needed. All great I might add - in the beginning. But it was my "escape" to talk through the negativity and questioning of it all. But all it did after while, it became the same story again to my friends and family and no results. How disheartening to someone to hear the same sad victim story of me all over again. To have them feel sorry for me. I was tired of it!!! Much less them!! I needed action for myself!! Although I am now talking about the other day when in fear of having love back in my life, I got scared and fearful of LOVE for it represented to me, being neglected and abandoned, I think, and went into panic. The universe stepped back and let me "go at it" since i needed to do this on my own. (The universe, Source, whatever name It holds for everyone, was of course, stepping back with much trepidation, to have me do it myself. No different than mother with Child wanting to see her child walk after holding them up and guiding them. It was time for me to walk on my own, to experience it, with them watching.) My friends were not available, out of town, doing other things. How prefect, I thought, as now there is no escape, but to revel in this pain I needed to go through on my own to learn this, this fear of "lack" of love. That is what happened. Where now today (only a few days after this revelation and emergence) I can sit here and write about this. And write about this like the re-birth it is. And I know I will have more re-births along the way. Just am humbled by the wholeness of it all.

To know that from within we can have the answers. From within there is exactly the love we are so yearning for, searching for. The paradise we so searh for. Like in the movie, Contact, with Jodie Foster, the chosen astronaut about to propel into space to go to the other planet. Instead, she went into another dimension that illuminated a paradise that included her long passed father. Crashing back to earth after many hours being "away" only to find that everyone else at the space station concluded that it was only minutes that the space shuttle was in turmoil remaining on the ground and not going anywhere. The video attached to her was played back and showed unaccountable hours of White noise. How, when she was only in "limbo" for a few minutes? How can her experiences be explained? Modern society discrediting her story and going against all aspects of what modern science can prove. But what modern science can prove and what we as a Spiritual Beings here on earth can experience on higher levels of consciousness, only goes to prove that modern science cannot prove every thing and we will continually search to prove the things we do not know....or do we already know? Is it just from within? I believe so. hmmmm

Everything that i have read and immersed in, no matter how wild and crazy - all talk about Compassion, the everencompassing emotion that will lead the earth into immense healing and ascend into an enlightened existence. So, there is a reason why we are here??!! Cool. Why Love is so prevalent to learn about, to share with others, to learn the love that is from within and in All and not have to search elsewhere for that love we all so desire.


My readings have been diverse in the last little while and include:
www.akashicinsights.com I came across this by "conicidence". haha nothing is just a coincidence. This is another story.

www.niburiancouncil.com - great articles on everything about healing ourselves from pain and other things to bring about ascension, to being from another planet!!!


the books:
The Journey by Brandon Bays
The Unmistakable Touch of Grace by Cheryl Richardson

the radio station for the soul - www.hayhouseradio.com

But they all talk about the same thing. Discernment. what a great way to discover our own truths. Everyone has THEIR truths they want to share, but it is in finding the commonalities that bring discernment and our own voice then to believe and entrust.

another reMARKable day!!

LIFE LIFE reMARKable
simply, truly, purely, uniquely

grab a miniMARK and MARK your daily path
in reading, journalling, scheduling, creating

for it is in us...
to EMbrace, EMbark and EMpower....our own lives.

elaineMARK
signing out

OK now I have to get out and experience life, not just sit here and read and learn about it. Experiences good and bad are very good for our evolving. involving, evolving, revolving life. cool.